Joke

[milfjs]

A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238" and decides to make the call. The operator asks, "How much weight do you want to lose?"

"Ten pounds," he replies.

"We’ll have a representative over in the morning," says the operator.

About 9 a.m., there’s a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, completely naked except for a sign around her neck reading “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.”

The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. After they have sex, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He’s lost 10 pounds!

That night he calls the number again and says, "I want to lose 20 pounds."

"We’ll send someone over."

The next morning, he’s greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.” The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds he’s lost 20 pounds!

That night he calls and says, "I want to lose 50 pounds!"

"Fifty pounds?" the operator asks. "That’s an awful lot."

The man replies, "Listen, just take care of it!"

About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads “If I catch you…”

[Bman]

Oldie but still damn funny :)

[TheChosen1]

A guy goes to see a doctor because he's ...well, a little too well endowed, shall we say. In fact, it's 25 inches long. He can't get any women to have sex with him. The doctor says there's nothing he can do medically, but sends him to see a witch that he thinks might be able to help. The witch takes a look at the problem and tells him, "Go to a particular pond, deep in the forest, and talk to a frog that lives there. Ask the frog to marry you and each time the frog says 'no,' you'll be five inches shorter."
The guy decides it's worth a try and dashes into the forest, as anyone in this sort of joke would, finds the pond, and sees the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. "Will you marry me?" he calls to the frog.
The frog looks at him, disinterested at best, and calls back, "No."
The Guy looks down and sure enough, he's five inches shorter. "Hey, this is great," he thinks to himself, "Let's try it again."
"Will you marry me?" he asks the frog.
The frog rolls his eyes, and shouts back again, "No!"
Twitch! The guy's down to 15 inches. "Well, it's still a bit excessive," he thinks. "Down another five would be perfect." So he calls across again, "Will you marry me?"
The frog yells back, "Look! How many times do I have to tell you? NO! NO! NO!"

[TheChosen1]

Mike goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs., 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs. each, Turner Brown."
Mike just faints dead away and falls to the floor.
The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping his face and shaking him. He asks, "Are you Ok??"
In a very weak voice Mike says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?"
The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs., have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown."
Mike said, "Oh Thank God!!! I thought you said "Turn Around.