Going to vent alittle.......

[bornbad71]

Why does my ex think it is okay to bring guys in and out of our kids life? Can someone please answer this million dollar question for me. This is the third person she has brought into their lives in the past six months.....they still ask about the first guy and now another. Their gonna be so confused it is unreal......I messed up once with the last girl I sw and introduced her to my kids...lesson learned on my part, it will be a long time before I do that again. They still ask me questions about my ex gf and that hurts me to know that I brought that person into their life and now she is gone.
And what really kills me is how my ex says "this guy is different....he's the one". Bullshit!!! so were the last two guys and their not even around now. I wish there was some way to make her see that she can see ppl without haveing them meet the kids so damn fast....but what can I do about it? Nothing!!! So here I sit venting to this damn cpu screen. God I'm angry right now.....fawkin pissed more like it.

[Miss-Behaving]

Hey BB.. Sorry to put my 2cents in.. but (seeing as how I don't know her) is there anyway that the two of you can sit down and set out some time of agreement that when she has a date, you can go get the kids and keep them for the time she is out.. that way not only do you get to spend more time with them, but she isn't introducing her dates to the kids..

Just a suggestion.. like I said.. I don't know how much of a reasonable person she is.

[bornbad71]

Oh MissB I wish it was that easy....actually she did that with the first guy and it was great, I got to spend more time with my kids. This is different, she is introducing them in hopes it is a long lasting relationship....I realize that she is trying to see if the person will accept the boys, but if she has to introduce them for that person to accept them then that is kinda screwed up IMHO. One can't base a relationship on weather or not they like your kids....I look at it like this, I have two kids that are my heart and soul, so a wonan has to accept that first....if that is a problem then she is gone...simple as that.
I don't hide the fact that I have two kids when I start to date someone, but just because I have the two kids doesn't mean that the person I am dating is going to meet them.....I want to make sure I have a solid relationship before introducing someone to my kids and that person has to accept that my kids are a huge part of my life and that we are a package deal, so to speak. Like I said above I have introduced one person to my kids and she is gone, so in a way I feel as if I brought a person into my kids lives that isn't there anymore, and I told myself I would make damn sure I had a solid relationship before doing that, but as we all know tthings don't always work out like we hope.
If it was only once that she has done this,not three times, then it wouldn't be so bad.....I know if this doesn't work out for her then they will be meeting someone else in the future....I just don't think it is fair to my kids to drag so many ppl in and out of their lives....I will stop now because I'm starting to get angry just typing this.

[DaddyD]

bro I have 2 boys as well and I go through the same shit ed and 4 the last 4 years. ygpm too

[PassionateBB]

Sweetheart, I don't know if it will make you feel any better. But I really believe the adult children of a friend of mine who did the scame thing. They've told me it didn't affect them when she paraded and even moved in different guys throughout their childhood. The came to understand early on, when they were just small kids, that after the second or third one, those guys just didn't matter. They knew who there father was and he was a very strong and present person in their lives. And they came out fine.

I think as long as you're there, as long as you're their rock, it will be okay for them. Kids are very resilient and I think smarter than we give them credit for sometimes.

Me

[cb25]

Originally posted by PassionateBB@Dec 10 2005, 09:36 PM
Sweetheart, I don't know if it will make you feel any better. But I really believe the adult children of a friend of mine who did the scame thing. They've told me it didn't affect them when she paraded and even moved in different guys throughout their childhood. The came to understand early on, when they were just small kids, that after the second or third one, those guys just didn't matter. They knew who there father was and he was a very strong and present person in their lives. And they came out fine.

I think as long as you're there, as long as you're their rock, it will be okay for them. Kids are very resilient and I think smarter than we give them credit for sometimes.

Me

Quoted post

for what it's worth bb...i was the same way as pbb's friend's kids. my parents split when my sister and I were fairly young still...and saw each of my parents go through relationships.

there were good and bad sides...but as long as your kids know who their parents are, and each of you is clear that whoever you're dating isn't a "new mommy or daddy", i'm sure the kids will be fine long term. it's confusing at first...but so is having your parents in different houses.

like missB said, best plan of action would be to sit and talk with your ex and tell her how you feel and that you're just worried about the kids -- that you're not introducing your dates to the kids either, etc. but that's in a perfect world...and like you said, it isn't that simple.

good luck man, like i said, i'm sure the kids will be fine, hopefully things will smooth out and you and your ex will come to some sort of understanding.

[bornbad71]

I'm a huge part of my kids lives....I do have one thing going for me thou. My ex wanted that we could not have over night guest of the opposite sex if we had the kids in the house...so she can't move in or have anyone move in with here...not even for an over night stay if the kids are with her...same goes for me.

I know in the long run the kids will be fine...all i can do is continue to show them how much I love them and be the best daddy I can be. All else will fall into place over time.



DaddyD, pm back at ya bro...thanks.

[APventas]

hey bro, belive me if was just as simple as that, keep close as you can with your kids, and as civil as you can with your ex......no exact answer to this one.........

[bornbad71]

Very true AP.....I'm very close with my kids and have tried to be civil with the ex, it just always turns ugly....she always knows what buttons to push that set me off. So for the next little while there will be little to no talk between she and I...the only talk will be about the kids and that is it. I'm tired of all the games she pulls.

[du189]

I feel your pain man.........my ex gives me a rash of shit when she has man/money troubles........which is just about every day. My boy lives with me, so at least he is limited to all the crap that he is subjected to from her. It really chaps her ass that I've remarried and am doing well. Hopefully your kids will learn from her mistakes tho.