Funny Jokes

[SwampGator]

A WOMAN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so
I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."

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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you
can take boiling hot wax, put it on your eyebrows, rip the hair out by
the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

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MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his
wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and
wives know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered,
"It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"

The rest of the story gets rather ugly so I'll stop right here.

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HUSBAND VS. WIFE

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and
pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to men..."

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and
so beautiful all at the same time.

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you
would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to
you!"

[MJ]

lol

[Slamd097]

:unsure: damn..take that!!..lol

those are good swampy!!

[Miss-Behaving]

A lonely spinster, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married.
She put an ad in the local paper that read:

"HUSBAND WANTED, MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST
NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME AND MUST STILL
BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON."

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she
opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel
chair. He had no arms or legs.

The woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are
you? Just look at you.... you have no legs!"

The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"

Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently.

"Are you still good in bed?"

With that, the old gentleman beamed a broad smile and said, "I rang
the doorbell didn't I?"

[samax64]

LOL!!!

[caturpilar]

HA HA HA! Good ones, from both of ya.

[littleguy]

Awesome!! LOL

[ellocogrande]

Originally posted by SwampGator@Aug 20 2004, 05:10 PM
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and
so beautiful all at the same time.

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you
would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to
you!"

My wife loved the last one................B**ch :poke:

[Slamd097]

:shakehead: cool..I can riong the door bell like that too...that is why it is called a pecker!!